Monday, March 03, 2008

Meatfare Sunday: An Ode (to the tune of Terry Jacks)


Well, if you are Orthodox, lent is just a week away!

For those following the Byzantine observance, yesterday was Meatfare Sunday, the last day you can consume meat. In Russia, I'm told that the two weeks leading up to Lent are a big party, Cheesefare week being especially celebratory, with pastry shops open around the clock and champaigne and chilled vodka flowing quite liberally.

Rod Dreher (his carnivore self pictured above) has composed a witty little version of that Terry Jacks classic, Seasons in the Sun, to commemorate the sad parting with "all things fleshly":

Goodbye bacon, my trusted friend/ I've loved having you in my kitchen/ Together
we've drawn out your grease/ To season my black-eyed peas./ You're so good with eggs and cheese.

Goodbye pork ribs, it's hard to die
To yourself; I'll really miss pot pie
And steaks seared on the grill.
Chicken tacos? Steel the will!
Mortify that fleshly thrill!

(Chorus)We had joy, we had funWe had pulled pork on a bun.
But the meat on which we dine
For two long months we must pine.

Father Joseph, pray for me
I want lamb chops almost constantly.
Though I know it's very wrong
I'll inhale a grilled foot-long
When I quit this stupid song.

Vladyka, dear, it's hard to fast
Fried tofu is pretty poor ballast
And I'm real sick of eating beans.
Emitting aromas most unclean,
The kids call me Stinky Jeans.

(Chorus)We had joy, we had fun
We had pulled pork on a bun.
But we are called to be ascetic:
At this holy task I'm most pathetic.

Goodbye kebab and tandoori.
Meat lasagna -- arrivider-er-ci!
Beef tamales -- adios.
No more gravlax upon toast
By order of the Holy Ghost.

(Chorus)We had joy, we had fun
We had pulled pork on a bun.
Protein's in an eight-week rut:
Endless butter from the nut.

(Chorus)We had joy, we had fun
We had pulled pork on a bun.
For this devoted carnivore
Vegan life is a crashing bore.

(Chorus)We had joy, we had fun
We had pulled pork on a bun.
Heathens, grill for me by proxy.
I'm sold out to Orthodoxy.

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